We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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