also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
