my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
