32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
