dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
