we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Randomize
