I swear she didn't look like that last week.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I don't want my vagina anymore.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
