take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
