my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
