Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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