he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
