Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
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It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
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