all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Someone came in the potted fern
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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