Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
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I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
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Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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