He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
