Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
