I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
