I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
