I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
COCAINE IS GR8
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
