She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
