theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
