can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
