allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
