I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
