dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
