If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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