Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
