my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
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I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
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also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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