fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
