He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
