There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
