Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
