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All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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