it hurts more in the daytime
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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