Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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