The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
