Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
