Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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