I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
