you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
