All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
