If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
