He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
