What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize