Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We left the knife in your bed.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
