He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
