my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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