I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
