So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
