i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
