i just wanna soil my oats bro
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
