I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
