why do cheetos always look like penises
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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