Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
