The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
