Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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