I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
