I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Randomize
