If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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