Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
