Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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