girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
