Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize