As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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