I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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